admin – Couple Counselling

How do we stop arguing?

For this post, I reference; Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Dr. Sue Johnson, 2008. Little, Brown & Co., New York. Let's be clear, all couples argue. Some couples have a long relationship and still argue and some couples don't. Well, arguments and disagreements can have two effects. It can either be an opportunity to grow and look into your partner's need and deepening the relationship. Or couples can get into patterns of argument that can be a source of distress.…

The 3 Demon Dialogues that tear couples relationship apart.

For this post I reference; Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Dr. Sue Johnson, 2008. Little, Brown & Co., New York. Couples usually say they are fighting about the Finances, Children or sex. Some couples also say that their communication has broken down or they cannot communicate well. Other couples point the finger of blame at their partner and that he/she needs to change her ways before they can find a solution. What's happening to the couples is just the tip…

What do couples really argue about?

For this post, I reference;Young, M. (2005). Creating a Confluence: An Interview With Susan Johnson and John Gottman. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 13(2), 219-225. I posed the same question to some of my friends and they gave me so many answers. With their permission let me share with you some of them. Not respecting one anotherNot respecting each other's boundariesNot doing the dishes or cleaning upBeing told what to do over and over again!They fight about moneyThe childrenSex All…

Why am I blogging?

Hi there, my name is Azah and I am a relationship counsellor and I specialise in couple counselling. I have been a counsellor for almost 10 years now. I am originally from Malaysia but now I am based in London. I have a drive in me to learn how to have a relationship and what a good relationship looks and feels like. I think it comes from wanting to better my own relationships and myself. And that led me to a career in counselling and…

Coronavirus

Physical Isolation not Social Isolation

Happy St Patrick's Day! As we all do our best to curb the spread of the virus by self-isolation or by working from home, it can take a toll on our relationships, our mental health and our physical health too. Personally, the words @socialisolation feels like we shouldn't talk or connect with one another. I prefer the words @physicalisolation. So we stay connected but we physically distance ourselves to hopefully prevent the infection from spreading. As an attachment-based, emotionally focused therapist, I know we are…

Should I leave or Should I try to work it out?

If I threw a coin in the air, it might almost always land on a couple asking themselves, ‘Should I leave this relationship or should I just stay and try to work it out. There may be so many factors that are telling them to leave, like the number of broken promises or broken trust. Unresolved issues that have been going on for so long it's beyond redemption. Then there are good points to stay like my partner is good with the kids, my family…

Questions people ask me when they find out I am a couples counsellor.

I had my haircut today and my lovely hairdresser asked me what I did for a living. I guess it was her way to create a relationship with me and have an excellent girly natter as she did my hair. I told her I was a couple’s counsellor, which made her intrigued. After chit-chatting while she gave my hair and scalp a good scrub, she asked me this question; So, I guess communication is key to a good relationship? In my head, I had a…

The Magic of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples

EFT stands for Emotionally Focused Therapy. The therapy looks at how couples relate to one another and how they respond to requests or bids for attention. Together the therapist and the couple will look at the patterns in the relationship that is not working. Steps are taken to learn how to change those patterns and respond better. Couples learn to have a healthier relationship, build trust and feel loved. Couples who come for therapy usually complain they have had enough of their partner’s behaviour. Either…

Don’t go to bed angry is a myth.

One advice I was given when I was a newlywed was 'never go to be when you're angry.' I took that to heart and tried to follow that advice but I don't think it works. Hello my loves, Recently I read an article by The Gottmans, who are THE gurus of love and relationships, said that it's ok to go to bed angry. You see in an experiment, the Gottmans told a couple who were fighting to take a break by reading a magazine. After…