One advice I was given when I was a newlywed was ‘never go to be when you’re angry.’ I took that to heart and tried to follow that advice but I don’t think it works.
Hello my loves,
Recently I read an article by The Gottmans, who are THE gurus of love and relationships, said that it’s ok to go to bed angry. You see in an experiment, the Gottmans told a couple who were fighting to take a break by reading a magazine. After half an hour they seemed more relaxed and calmer. They were able to sort things through too.
So yeah, when you’re angry and your logical self doesn’t kick in, then its time to take a break. Sleep on it even. When you wake up and are more relaxed you are both able to broach the issue again.
Ah but! You may say that one of you might forget about it and the issue will never be resolved until it’s remembered in another fight. And this time it might be worse because we didn’t resolve the issue in the first place!
It’s about taking a time out, then turn towards each other and talk calmly. That’s the key.
Taking time out from the fight means that you won’t get into difficult situation where no one wants to lose.
You know when you feel you’re ‘losing’ the fight you tend to bring up other past issues (that usually don’t have anything to do with the current issue) just to make a point and turn the fight to make it about the other and not the issue. Does that make sense?
Or there is a stalemate… or worse… the silent treatment. Oh the one word answer too.
So when you find yourself in a fight that’s going nowhere, and you are in the moment, stop for a while. Pause. Take a short break. Make a promise to your partner that we’ll take five (or however long you need) and we will talk about this more calmly. When we are ready lets talk.
The thing is you want to remember is, it’s both of you as a team against the problem. Blame dis-empowers the relationship and breaks the team up. Keeping you distant and lonely. And it can get tiring too.
If loving your partner is difficult today. Then do it tomorrow.
Your relationship is for the long haul. Sometimes the relationship can get difficult and tough and its o.k. It’s not like you don’t love each other. You do. If you can’t do it today, do it tomorrow.