EFT stands for
Emotionally Focused Therapy. The therapy
looks at how couples relate to one another and how they respond to requests or
bids for attention.
therapist and the couple will look at the patterns in the relationship that is
not working. Steps are taken to learn
how to change those patterns and respond better.
Couples learn to
have a healthier relationship, build trust and feel loved.
Couples who come
for therapy usually complain they have had enough of their partner’s behaviour.
Either they make a change, or they will leave.
already be on their mind, and couples counselling is the last attempt to save
couples have realised life got in the way. They feel distant and miss each
other. All they want is to reconnect but don’t know how.
Usually, they are
not sleeping well. Sex is the last thing on their mind or non-existent even.
distracted or not doing well at work, and colleagues are noticing.
Someone may have something
on their mind, but they are too scared to say it for fear of hurting their
partner, or if they say it somehow, it would sound like criticism. The other would
become defensive, and they start to fight.
Things don’t get
aired in an adult discussion, and nothing gets resolved. They’re frustrated, angry and stonewalling.
If their partner is trying to connect, or asking a simple question it may
trigger a one-word answer or the silent treatment.
Things are now
getting out of control. They have pushed each other so far away, and feel so
hurt and scared; they don’t know how to get back to loving each other.
At the end of the
day, couples want to be heard and seen by their partner. They want to feel
loved and reconnect.
They want to be
able to resolve issues in an adult way and love like they first met. They want to be able to speak to each other
without feeling fear of rejection.
They want to feel
supported, love again and be loved. Feel
emotionally safe and have space to be able to tell their partner anything and
not be judged or be in fear of hurting them or starting a fight again.
How does EFT work?
EFT works by focusing
on the here and now. It doesn’t dig up
the past so much or replay past hurts. There are three stages to EFT.
first is to de-escalate the couple from the anger and frustrations they
are experiencing. When the heart is calm, there is a willingness to listen,
learn and heal.
does this by helping the couples understand what is happening in their
relationship that is not working and making them feel so distant from each
unresolved feeling they may have and deeper vulnerabilities that block the
relationship from moving forward and get stuck.
Feelings of anger, fear, loss of trust or betrayal are dealt with too.
next stage is to relearn new patterns of communication. Learning a new language that will sound more
supportive to their partner and that doesn’t push them away.
They learn to
listen and be attuned to the other’s emotions so that they can respond in a
loving and supportive way.
consolidation. The couple and their
therapist will discuss how they got stuck in the first place and how they were
able to make changes. Finally, couples discuss how they would like to move
forward in the future.
Why would you choose an EFT couples’ therapist?
EFT is a well-researched
approach to couples counselling. The
research says 70%-75% of couples who are feeling distressed in their
relationship will recover from it with hardly any relapse.
They will learn
new ways of communicating and improved relationship skills. The research also says 90% of the couple will
feel an improvement in their relationship too.
There is plenty of research and if you want to know more about research on EFT click here. What does this all mean? It means that EFT works. And best of all its short term.
On average it
takes about eight to twenty sessions. It
will only take longer if there is a big issue that needs to be resolved first.
If you would like to know more about the approach to couple’s counselling or to set up an appointment I use please email me here.